Give Me Your Eyes

(Remarks I wrote for the March 25 service at Whyte Ridge Baptist Church.  Full service available to download at: http://whyteridgebaptist.ca/resources/sermons/?sermon_id=105 )

Dear brothers and sisters,

I am writing this from sunny Florida in my jet lagged early morning haze, where I am fortunate to be enjoying a vacation and period of rest and recovery with my family. Though I am glad to be here, I am a little sad to be missing this service and time of sharing with my team members.

My experience in West Bengal was not eye-opening in the way I expected it might be, but it did open my mind and my heart in unexpected ways.

In the two Far Corners conferences for women, I taught two lessons – the first on the story of Sarah and Abraham receiving God’s covenant and the second on the story of Jesus’ visit to Mary and Martha’s house.

I opened the first conference sharing about Sarah and relating her story of faith to my own. As many of you know, Anthony and I had two babies before Rachel was born. Jillian lived less than a day and Emily, just 14 days. In  relating the story of God doing what seemed impossible to Sarah, I shared with the women how God did that in my life as I journeyed through the pain of deepest loss, hopelessness and despair back to hope and then to great joy.  Though more than a decade has passed since these events in our lives, it remains heart-wrenching and draining to share this story.

There was some response to the story as I told it but I really didn’t have a sense that I had connected with the women and was, by the end of day 2, feeling a little frustrated with the inability to directly communicate with the women.  I wrote in my journal the morning of March 7 how I was wondering about whether anything I might experience in India could possibly break through the well-fortified emotional walls around my heart that ordinarily allow me to live day to day, though carrying a load of sorrow and grief.

Then God did his work and my heart was opened to the women of India.  At the end of that same day, we spent a time of hearing and praying for the women’s individual prayer requests. Most were requests for healing or good exam results for children or concern for the spiritual health of family members. Shelly, Christine and I were taking turns praying for each request.

About midway through this time, when it was my turn to pray, a young woman stood up and shared how she and her husband longed for a child; they had lost one baby already and were desperately wanting a baby.  Hearing the desires of her heart, which mirrored my own of a decade earlier, broke down all my emotional barriers and opened my heart wide to the pain of my sister in Sumulktala. As I  heard her story, tears streamed down my face and as I prayed for her I wept. Through this young woman, God shared with me a bit of his heart for humanity.

In preparing for this experience and in my early days in India, I frequently played and prayed the song Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath.  The words of the chorus speak so eloquently the desire of my heart for this trip:

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see.

God granted me that request for awhile in India.  My heart was opened wide to the struggles of my Indian sisters and was laid vulnerable before them. For that I am immeasurably grateful.  I echo the words of Psalm 30, at verses 10-12:

10 “Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me;
O LORD, be my helper.”
11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,
12 That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

Thank you all for your prayerful support to me.  God has worked in me and through me in West Bengal. I have is many more stories of how He did that, and of my experience more generally and I would love to share those with you on my return, so please ask!

My bags are packed, I’m ready to go…

Well, that’s what the song says anyhow.  I’m not exactly ready to go.  In fact, I’m holding rather tightly to home just now, worrying mostly about how Rachel will cope without her mother for 17 days.  And about how I’ll cope without her for that long.  This doesn’t feel like what a mother is supposed to do.

I’ve spent time this morning rereading my own blog posts so I can remember why I am going.  It’s helped a little, but I remain conflicted. I suppose that’s entirely normal.  I pray that the conflict will resolve, and that Rachel will cope and that, most of all, someday she’ll understand why I’m doing this.

Give me Your Heart

I woke early this morning with a head full of fretting over details and tasks not yet completed in preparation for this mission to India.

To distract myself from my worries, I tried to focus on the real purpose of this trip – which is clearly not just about checking off all the items on my to do list.  As I reminded myself that I’m going to be a servant to others, literally as God’s “hands and feet” the words of this song came to mind:

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

And then, feeling properly focused, I was able to go back to sleep.

A Little Greek Lesson: Parakletos

This song by Tenth Avenue North speaks of walking by the side of another in need.  It is a song that I love, especially these lines that aren’t really relevant to this post but completely describe my life:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

But today I heard it in a different way and it took me back to a sermon I heard a few years ago about the Greek word “parakletos” which is sometimes translated as advocate, but really means something more along the lines of one who comes to the aid of another.

This is a concept that really grabs my attention.  What I like best about the practice of law is that it provides countless opportunities to walk along side another and come to their aid, as necessary.  This is the kind of advocacy that drew me to the study of law.

I came across this online Bible study that nicely summarizes the details on the Biblical use of this word. The reason all this is relevant is that I see the work we’ll be doing in India as walking along side our Christian sisters and brothers, loving them, supporting them, teaching & being taught, and providing aid as needed.  We are there in a “parakletos” kind of role – as true advocates.  I am comforted by this, because though I feel wholly unqualified to go across the world to teach church leaders, I am completely comfortable with the idea of going there as an advocate, walking side by side and providing the help that may be needed.

Bulembu, Swaziland

 This video by Vancouver band Spirit of the West breaks my heart, yet somehow the voices of the orphan children and their faces give me hope.  Watch it.  You’ll love the song, I am sure.  Buy the song on iTunes – all proceeds are going to Bulembu International.