My bags are packed, I’m ready to go…

Well, that’s what the song says anyhow.  I’m not exactly ready to go.  In fact, I’m holding rather tightly to home just now, worrying mostly about how Rachel will cope without her mother for 17 days.  And about how I’ll cope without her for that long.  This doesn’t feel like what a mother is supposed to do.

I’ve spent time this morning rereading my own blog posts so I can remember why I am going.  It’s helped a little, but I remain conflicted. I suppose that’s entirely normal.  I pray that the conflict will resolve, and that Rachel will cope and that, most of all, someday she’ll understand why I’m doing this.

Walking in the light

A few months ago I bought this lovely book of poems by Wendell Berry.  I’ve been slowly working my way through it, and last night, stayed up much too late reading aloud to myself.  This one caught my attention as I’d just encountered it for the first time earlier in the week in a blog posting on Experimental Theology.

It needs to be shared.  Hope you appreciate it as I do:

To my granddaughters who visited the Holocaust Museum on the day of the burial of Yitzak Rabin, November 6th 1995.

Now you know the worst
we humans have to know
about ourselves, and I am sorry,

for I know you will be afraid.
To those of our bodies given
without pity to be burned, I know

there is no answer
but loving one another
even our enemies, and this is hard.

But remember:
when a man of war becomes a man of peace,
he gives a light, divine

though it is also human.
When a man of peace is killed
by a man of war, he gives a light.

You do not have to walk in darkness.
If you have the courage for love,
you may walk in light. It will be

the light of those who have suffered
for peace. It will be
your light.

Inspired by: Rachel

This is the last post of this series.  But really, maybe it all comes down to this.  I am taking a step in faith, and trying to live out my faith so that I can provide for this beautiful little girl the same kind of example my parents provided to me.  I want her to know that she is blessed and that she has been given much.  I want her to know that much is expected of you when you are richly blessed and that you must live generously and serve others.  I hope that will be the legacy she receives from her parents, as I received it from mine.

Inspired by: Heather

(Second post in a series on those who have inspired me in to make this journey)

This is my friend Heather.  She’s one of the reasons I am going to India.  She’s going to be annoyed with me for posting this, I expect, but I think it needs to be said (and publicly).

Some 2 years ago, Heather was contemplating whether she would join our church’s first mission team travelling to India with Far Corners.  I was involved in the planning for that trip, and intended to go myself.  I strongly encouraged her to go, knowing that this would be an opportunity to step out of her comfort-zone, and one that she would not regret.

Long story, short: she went; I stayed home.  Her experience there was life-changing in many ways but that’s not my story to tell.

In the the past 15 months, since that team returned home, I’ve been getting to know Heather – through weekly coffee klatsch get-togethers, mixed curling, small group, local community events and through spending time together as families.  Heather is smart, very funny, focused, passionate and loving.  In short, she’s a great friend.

During that time, I’ve seen how she has been working at reconciling what she saw and learned in India with her life here.  She’s been able to remain involved as a liaison between Far Corners Ministry and our church.  This fall, she spearheaded and led our church’s very successful Christmas card fundraiser to benefit Far Corners Ministry and through it, the people of West Bengal.  And I’ve seen how, whenever an opportunity arises to provide help or support or give her time, she takes it and in doing so, makes a difference in the lives of those she encounters.

When the opportunity came for this 2nd trip to India, I knew I had to go and I hoped Heather would again join the team.  She wasn’t certain – she wanted to return, but there were many reasons why the timing wasn’t right.  She’s been struggling with this decision and I’ve been trying to support her in the process, while at the same time hoping that the result would be that we would be travelling together.

Unfortunately, Heather isn’t going to be joining our team in India.  I am deeply disappointed by this but I know it is the right decision for her and for her family.  And I know she will continue to support our team and the individual team members as we prepare,while we are away and when we return.

Heather’s deep desire to live out what she learned in India inspires me.  I hope that, on my return, I am able to live out the lessons I learn in the same way.  I’ve no doubt at all that Heather will insist I do just that and will hold me accountable as I do so.

Give me Your Heart

I woke early this morning with a head full of fretting over details and tasks not yet completed in preparation for this mission to India.

To distract myself from my worries, I tried to focus on the real purpose of this trip – which is clearly not just about checking off all the items on my to do list.  As I reminded myself that I’m going to be a servant to others, literally as God’s “hands and feet” the words of this song came to mind:

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

And then, feeling properly focused, I was able to go back to sleep.

Blessed with restless discomfort and more

May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.

May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people.

May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really CAN make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God’s grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.

AMEN.

via An Access to Justice Prayer | Lawscape.

This Franciscan prayer caught my eye and stirred my heart today.  I feel like these are blessings I have received, though I’ve never really thought of them as gifts from above.

 

Living more dangerously

A Facebook friend just posed the question: What are your goals for 2012?  Without thinking, I responded “Live dangerously.”

From time to time I hear from someone I know that they admire my risk-taking, usually speaking of my career choices.  But I do not think of myself as anything but risk-averse.  In fact, one of my many jobs requires that I provide lawyers across the country with risk management advice – in other words, I suggest ways to avoid risk.  But maybe the difference is in how we are defining risk.

I recently had an exchange via Twitter with a person I’ve never met but know via his blog which I read faithfully.  He follows me on Twitter and so we know each other a little by what we write.  In any case, I tweeted something to him and then wondered if I’d been too familiar, so I sent a follow up apology.  His response is what has me thinking about all this.  He blew off my apology, told me I worry too much and then said: My wish for you: live life more dangerously.

I was floored by that comment.  A near-total stranger completely pegged me.  I am too often worried by what might be, what others might think, what could happen if….  That’s a limiting way to live, and some might even say, not living at all.

If my faith in God means anything at all, I have to take seriously these words from Luke 12:

 “For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as towhat you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. ²⁴ Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds! ²⁵ And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span? ²⁶ If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters? ²⁷ Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.²⁸ But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith! ²⁹ And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying. ³⁰ For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things. ³¹ But seek His kingdom, andthese things will be added to you. ³² Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.

So that’s my plan for 2012 and beyond.  Less worry, more living without fear.  That’s what I mean by living dangerously.

Why go all the way to India?

This is a question that I have really been thinking about.  After all, there are people to love and serve all around me – whether in the inner city, in my local town or in isolated communities around Manitoba. 

In today’s news I read about federal efforts to improve access to clean, safe water and sanitation in Island Lakes.  While I applaud the steps to be taken, this represents literally just a “drop in the bucket.”

   

I was recently deeply impacted by a presentation by Rick Greer about the work of Pathway Camp Ministries in offering day camp activities to First Nation communities in Manitoba each summer.  Rick spoke passionately about the needs of the youth of those communities – for something to do, for one-on-one attention, for education, for hope for the future.  This is a great example of the kind of needs I can easily find and support without flying across the ocean.

So why am I going to India? 

Good question.  I’ve no plans to uproot my family to work there.  I may never go back again.  And increasingly, I am sensing that the call I am feeling to go and serve will take me into contact with First Nation communities, though I’ve no idea of what that will mean exactly.

I look at this journey to India as the preparation for whatever comes next for me.  It’s my education in serving the “least of these”  and in loving the unloved.  I know this experience will change me forever and hopefully for better.  I have no doubt that dealing with the challenges and obstacles our team will encounter and that I personally will come up against, will provide the best kind of training for what lies ahead in my life.

Losing myself

It’s not uncommon to hear of a person going to India to “find themself.”  I’m not entirely certain of the meaning of that phrase nor that there is just one meaning, but for me, it brings to mind interior journeys of self-discovery and exploration of who one really is.  In other words, it is all about self-focus.  A recent example of this kind of journey is found in the novel (and the movie based on the novel) Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  In the story, the author goes to India to learn to pray (having already learned to eat in Italy and not yet having gone to Indonesia to learn to love again) and there finds her spiritual self.

I’m a little old for finding myself but I hope I’m not yet too old to lose myself.  One of my selfish hopes for this journey to India is that I will lose my self, or more particularly, my self-consciousness there.  In my day-to-day life I so often find myself absorbed by efforts to break through the inhibitions that prevent me from taking action or responding to a situation or emotion in a way that feels natural.  This applies to how I respond to those around me as well as I how respond in worship.

I was recently in Asheville with a number of work colleagues.  One night, there was a kind of tribal drumming event in the town square.  My friend Su from Vancouver went to the event on her own and was so moved by the music she heard that she soon borrowed a drum and began to play and dance along with the others in the square.  I know that had I been there I would have longed to do the same, but this self-monitor I carry with me would have prevented me from joining in the fun.

It seems to me that it’s time that I stop letting worry about the reactions and perspectives of others determine my own actions.  I have this idea that something I see or do in India, or the people I meet there, will spur me to change in this area.  I hope that I will be inspired out of my self-consciousness, away from focusing on myself and how I am perceived by others.  I hope I will return more conscious of the circumstances and concerns of those around me which necessarily get obstructed from my view when my focus is so completely on myself.  I hope I will return able to speak the words that form, to dance the rhythms of the songs that sound and to actively display the love that resides in my heart.

I can’t do this alone.

Dear Friends & Family,

I am writing to let you know about the opportunity I have to put my faith into action in India early next year.

I will be joining a team of eight from Whyte Ridge Baptist Church that will be embarking on a 17-day journey to Northeast India in March 2012 with Far Corners Ministry.   Far Corners Ministry exists to support the growing church in Northeast India by training local pastors and lay leaders, building churches, and helping the poor.

The details of our trip are as follows (as best we know at this point):

When:             March 1 – 17, 2012

Where:           West Bengal, India

Why:               We will support Christian churches in West Bengal by providing theological training to pastors and their wives through a series of three conferences to be held in three locations throughout the state.  In addition, we will be distributing necessary supplies to the poor in these areas – fundraising for these supplies is underway through Whyte Ridge Baptist Church with items to be purchased locally in India.

How:               I cannot do take this step of faith without your support.

Prayer Support:          This is a brand new experience for me and will challenge me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I ask for your prayer support for me personally as I follow the path laid out before me and as I encounter obstacles along that path.  Please pray also for the effectiveness of our team, for safety in our travels and for the children and spouses left at home.

Financial Support: Team members are each expected to raise a minimum of $2000 toward the total participation cost of $3500 per person with the balance to be provided through the budget of Whyte Ridge Baptist Church.

I am thrilled to be part of this journey to the far corners of India and to be able to have the experience of seeing firsthand the work of God in the Indian church.   I hope you will consider sharing with me in this opportunity by committing your support, whether in prayer or financially or both.   To provide financial support, please print and fill in the Financial Support Attachment, make your cheque out to Whyte Ridge Baptist Church and send both to:

Whyte Ridge Baptist Church

ATTN:  Pastor Kevin Klassen

201 Scurfield Blvd.

Winnipeg, MB R3Y 1A5

If you have any questions or need more information, please do contact me and to follow the progress of my preparations and for updates as we travel, please keep visiting this blog

Gratefully yours,

Karen